Overcoming My Addiction

My name is Chantel and I have an addiction to fear. Fear grips every part of my being all of the time. I am constantly on the edge of the cliff with fear and worry. Crippling fear has my life in neutral. I am so afraid of failing that I’ve quit life. Monday thru Friday I wake up, go to work, get off, and space out to Netflix until it’s bedtime. I work from home so by going to work I mean walking down the hallway to my office. On the weekends I rarely leave the house and watch Netflix all day. The most disturbing part is I’m actually okay with it. I’m not a very social person anyway, but I think I’ve reached an unhealthy level of isolation. I’ve shut down completely and it’s time to hit the restart button. I have a huge bucket list with too many unchecked items.  At the beginning of 2014 I made a list of goals for the year. At the year’s end, I revisited the goals and was immediately disappointed in myself because I only completed one of them. I really can’t come up with a good reason except for fear.  Fear of the unknown, Fear of failure, Fear of success. Fear of happiness. Fear is the monkey on my back and it’s time to get clean.

Just like an Alcoholics Anonymous program, the first step is admitting the addiction. I’ve admitted it so now I have to do something about it. As for the reason, I would have to say that my addiction doesn’t allow me to get hurt or disappointed. If I remain neutral, then I’ve neither lost nor won. Neutral is the dugout. It’s safe and peaceful in the dugout. The problem with the dugout is after a while you become depressed watching the other players advance while you sit on the bench. It’s time to leave the dugout and get out on the field. I may strike out or I may hit a home run, but I’ll never know if I don’t step up to the plate.  As I leave the dugout I’m taking my plans for the future and leaving fear behind. A few years ago, my best friend challenged me with choosing a word for the year to reflect an area in my life that needed to be addressed. I chose fearless  and I can say that I’ve made great strides in this area, but there is still so much work to do. I’ve decided that fearless will be my word again this year.  I’m going to leave fear in the dugout and grab a bat. So I challenge you to choose a word that reflects something in your life that needs to be addressed and start swinging. Feel free to share your word and keep me updated on your progress.

Happy New Year!